Same as it Never Was
by Gr8BigNerd
Summary: Oneshot. Cal is asked to take a case that could threaten his friendship with Foster...it could also lead them both to some revelations about their feelings for each other.


A/N: This is an idea I had for a oneshot, but it certainly has the potential to be continued, should there be an interest. Reviews are appreciated.

**Same as it Never Was**

"I told you I wasn't taking anymore adultery cases. Period. It's a waste of time. Even you admitted that that kind of work was beneath us." Cal indignantly dropped the file back on Gillian's unusually cluttered desk and turned for the door.

"Yes, I said that right before you said that it was up to me and you'd accept any case I handed you because you understood how much trouble we're in financially." Gillian crossed her legs and waited for him to turn around and press the argument or take the file.

He paused at the door with his hand on the knob and dropped his head in concession. He turned around slowly but didn't walk over to her. He leaned his back against the door and shoved his hands in his pockets. "What's going on with you?"

Gillian smiled at him. "Stop trying to change the subject just to get out of this case. _That_ is beneath you."

He took her non-answer as a challenge and seized it. He walked around the desk and came into her space, kneeling by her chair and placing his hands over hers. "Have dinner with me tonight and I'll take the case." Cal had a way about him, a way of making people uncomfortable and throwing them off their guard, something Gillian had become nearly immune to over the years, but not this time. It wasn't a strange request; it wasn't uncommon for the two of them to end a day with a meal and a bottle of wine before going to their respective homes alone. Right now he was digging for something else.

She pulled her hands away and gently shoved past him as she stood up and moved away from desk, and him. "If you don't take this case we may not be able to afford dinner," she joked.

"Gill?" He was still knelt down by her desk, waiting for an answer.

"No," she said simply.

Cal was back on his feet and by her side in an instant. "I knew it," he said almost triumphantly. "You're upset about me leaving last night. Why didn't you just say so?" She looked away but didn't answer him. As they were leaving the office the night before, he'd suggested they get some Chinese food. He'd been out of town for more than a week on a case and because of the circumstances he wasn't able to call while he was gone. It had been the first time in years that they'd gone more than a day without speaking to each other. It was unsettling to them both and when he came back he kind of attached himself to her. Until he got a phone call from Zoë as they made their way to her car. He spoke in a hushed tone and used vague words, and then once the call was over, he kissed Gillian's cheek and said they'd have to do it another day and sprinted off toward his car without looking back and leaving her in stunned silence.

Gillian wasn't surprised that Cal had an occasional sexual relationship with his ex-wife. She'd be an idiot to expect otherwise. But what she didn't expect was for him to ditch her in order to be with Zoe. That suggested there was something deeper there; a notion which bothered Gillian on several levels.

Gillian steeled herself as he stood in front of her arms crossed defensively over his chest and his eyebrows furrowed in disappointment. "Yes," she said in a low voice. "I'm upset that you left and went to Zoe's. But what you do is your own business and I'll get over it."

He nodded. "You know what they say about people who assume right?"

"If it was about Emily or if she had a case for us then you would've taken me with you. What else would I think? I don't know how you expect this to end Cal, but—"

"Whoa, will you just slow down for a second?" He reached out and took her hand, and squeezed it. "It was about a case, but I couldn't bring you with me because…" he paused and now it was his turn to look away from her, "because, you're conflicted out of it."

"What are you talking about?"

"I wouldn't leave you behind to be with her."

"What do you mean I'm conflicted out of the case, Cal?" She raised her voice and tried to pull her hand away but he wouldn't let her.

"I'm going to tell you, but I don't want you to get upset, and I need you to understand that no matter what you cannot get involved." She looked confused but said nothing. "Alec's been arrested."

Gillian's eyes widened and she took hold of Cal's other arm. She shook her head until a question came to the forefront of her mind. "On what charges?"

"Embezzlement."

"That's insane," she said. "Why is Zoe involved?" Cal frowned at how quickly she was to dismiss the charge. He could've said jaywalking and she would've disavowed it just as quickly. Her only concern at this point would be flying in and rescuing him. It was so like her.

"She's the prosecuting attorney assigned to the case. The State Department asked for our help and I said I'd hear them out but I haven't taken the case. They said that if I do you can't get involved in any way." Gillian tried to turn and leave but Cal tightened his grip on her arm. "That includes going to see him, or speaking with his attorneys."

"You can't do that!" Her voice rose, and anger flushed her face. Cal didn't let go but he did pull her close to his chest and wrapped his arms around her tense frame.

"If you don't want me to take this case, say the word. I'll tell'em no, and we'll leave it up to chance. But you're not married to him anymore. You tried to save him like you want to save everyone but he didn't want your help then and he doesn't need it now." What he said to her was harsh, and she cringed into his shoulder. But she knew he was right. This was out of her control. She relaxed against him and slipped her arms around his waist.

"I won't get involved," she said. "But please tell me everything that's going on. I can't compromise the investigation by just knowing about it right?"

Cal held onto her for another long moment before leaning into her hair and pulling her closer, his hand firm on the small of her back. "Okay," he whispered. They both let go at the same time and Gillian wiped away the beginnings of a tear from the corner of her eye.

He stared at her not quite knowing what to say. Just by taking the case he was risking their friendship. If Alec Foster was guilty he'd be sending her ex-husband to prison (something he'd normally be delighted to do). If he was innocent he'd be free and he'd thank her for it; he'd take it as a sign that she still loved him and wanted him back.

"Have you spoken to him yet?" She asked before he could say anything.

He shook his head. "He made bail this morning; his lawyers are bringing him here in about an hour." Gillian's eyes widened involuntarily and she shook her head.

"He's coming here?" Cal nodded and noted a flicker of guilt on her face. He wondered what that was about but brushed it off quickly. He wasn't supposed to be reading her. "I should leave," she said.

"If you want, but it's not necessary."

"It's fine," she said, and she brushed passed him and went back over to her desk. "Someone has to take this adultery investigation if you're not. I need Loker today, is that a problem?"

Cal stared after her, biting his tongue. She was rambling now, because she was hurt and nervous. He wanted to ask her if she was going to be okay with this, if _they_ were going to be okay. But he could tell from her demeanor that the moment of closeness was over and now was not the time. "No, not a problem."

**

* * *

**

Two hours later Alec Foster was sitting alone in the glass room tapping his feet against the floor. Occasionally he'd catch himself and purposefully stop and try to steady his nerves. Of all the times Alec had been in these offices Cal was sure he never imagined himself on that side of the glass. Cal had been sitting outside the interrogation room for an hour staring in at him.

Torres had been giving Lightman sidelong glances and confused looks since Alec had arrived, but she said little, just watched. After a while though she was starting to get restless. "Are you leaving him in there to make him nervous?" She asked. "Because I think it's working."

She glanced over at Cal who said nothing and then back at the lawyers, Zoe and Alec's defense team, who stood at the door whispering amongst themselves. Ria leaned in a little closer to Cal. "This must be awkward for you and Dr. Foster," she said.

This got her the reaction she'd been fishing for, when Cal dropped the pen he'd been chewing on down on the desk in front of them and turned to face her. "I don't need your commentary on this one, got it?" She nodded slowly, realizing she'd pushed the wrong button and backed off.

Cal stood up slowly and walked around to the stairs leading up into the interrogation room and pushed open the door. Alec spun around in his chair. "Where's Gillian?" he asked immediately.

Cal pulled another chair up in front of the table and sat down across from Alec. "She wanted nothing to do with this," he said. "She was done with you when she signed the divorce papers." Cal caught the flash of anger from Alec and smiled to himself.

"You're lying. She's on the other side of that wall isn't she?" Lightman gave him an egotistical smirk before turning toward Torres and nodding. A second later the white walls faded to clear glass and Alec looked out at Torres sitting alone behind the control panel and the lawyers who had moved in closer to get a better look at what was going on in the room. He looked back over at Lightman who nodded again for Torres to seal the room. "Where is she?" he asked again his voice stiff and on edge. "I want to see my wife."

Lightman laughed out loud. "You don't have a wife anymore."

Alec dropped his clenched fist down on the table. "I haven't done anything wrong," he said. A slight shrug of his shoulder betraying his confidence. "And if they had any real evidence, then they wouldn't need you."

"Or the State Department is cautious of accusing one of their own of stealing without covering every angle; that's a possibility."

Alec wouldn't meet his eyes. "I haven't done anything wrong," he repeated. Cal stared at him closely. He opened the folder he'd placed on the table when he came in the room.

"You're bosses recovered some correspondence with a woman named Gia Li Ong. Do you know the name?" Alec nodded that he did.

**

* * *

**

Forty-five minutes later Torres was still watching as Lightman spoke in a soft even voice to Alec Foster. She saw subtle hints of resentment and disgust in his face and movements though. Torres remembered last year watching Foster and her husband whenever they were together. The lies came so easily to him but he was as transparent then as he was now and didn't hide them well.

Loker knocked on the door as he entered. He noticed the lawyers still gathered around the room, the defense team threatening to put an end to the interrogation as it waffled between the two men's personal distain for one another and questions about his relationship with Gillian and occasionally a few words about the Chinese national who came forward claiming she had been hiding money for Alec for several years.

"They still at it?" Loker asked in a low voice as he sat down beside Torres.

She nodded. "It's weird," she said. "I really don't know if Lightman should be the one to be doing this interrogation. He's obviously got some resentment—"

Loker cut her off. "I'm just going to go ahead and stop you right there. Lightman has to be the one to do this, because he wouldn't trust anyone else to get it right."

"If he was smart he wouldn't trust himself either." She glanced over at the lawyers. "Is Dr. Foster here?"

Loker shook his head. "She went home. She asked me to review the audio recording of our cheating housewife for voice stress analysis and get back with her tomorrow."

Inside the room Lightman finally stood up and told Alec that they were done for today. When he walked out Zoe spun around and walked up to him.

"Well?" she asked. The other lawyers gathered around them.

"I need to talk to him again," he said. "Bring him back here tomorrow."

"Are you joking?" said a man named Kyle Barman, a high profile defense lawyer who Lightman had encountered twice before and who had very little respect for what he did.

"I am in fact not joking."

"We've spent three hours here today, only as a favor to the state department. You want him back here again then you get a court order." This was directed at Zoe, before he stomped into the interrogation room and ordered Alec to get his jacket.

"Let's talk in my office," Cal told Zoe as he led her out the door. He turned back to Loker, "Where's Foster?" he asked.

"She went home." Cal nodded and then followed Zoe back to his office.

He closed the door behind them and sat down behind his desk. "He's admitting to meeting with this woman in Romania last month but he's lying about what they discussed and he's not saying anything one way or the other about embezzling any money from the government."

"So he's guilty?"

"I didn't say that. I said he's lying about something. There are other possibilities." He rubbed the slight stubble on his chin. "I could really use Foster's help with this."

"Cal, no."

"She can tell the difference between lying to protect himself or lying to protect something else. She could—"

"Out of the question." Zoe sat down on the side of his desk. "If he is guilty her very presence would be enough to overturn a conviction. Forget it."

He nodded. He didn't expect to get anywhere with her. "I need you to get his lawyers to bring him back here tomorrow."

"What's going on? This type of case you could usually nail down in ten minutes. He's either lying or he's not."

"He is lying," Cal told her. "But lying and guilty are not necessarily the same thing."

"That sounds like something Gillian would say." Zoe said with a twinge of resentment in her voice. Cal looked up at her, realizing that she was right. He wouldn't usually draw a distinction between a liar and a thief, because Gillian would do that for him. One of the many many reasons why he needed her around. "She's making you soft," Zoe snarked. It was unsettling to hear her talk about Gillian, especially since he narrowly escaped having to address his ill advised affair with his ex-wife to his partner that afternoon.

Almost as soon as he thought it, Zoe reached out and placed a hand on his arm. "Emily's at a friend's tonight," she said. "You could come over."

He tightened his jaw a bit and then relaxed. He lifted her hand off his arm and brought her fingers to his lips. "Not tonight," he said flatly. "I have to work." She shook her head in slight disgust and stood up from the desk.

"Your loss," she said before disappearing out the door and slamming it behind her.

**

* * *

**

The second Zoe cleared the parking lot Cal was in his car and on his way to Gillian's house. She met him at the door and let him in without a word. He noted her laptop was open on her kitchen table and she closed it as she walked by and led Cal into the living room. He stopped and pointed at the computer. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Working," she said, her voice terse and stiff. A dead giveaway.

"God damn it Gillian! Damn it! How did you get the video?" He knew full well what she was doing and she wouldn't try to deny it.

"I asked Loker to upload them. I needed to see." Cal shook his head disgusted and turned away from her, trying to decide if he should grab her computer and walk out the door.

"You are coming dangerously close to interfering with a federal investigation," he told her finally.

She nodded her understanding. "What do you think?" She asked.

"I think you have a very hard time admitting when that man's not telling the truth, that's what I think."

"I recognize that he's lying about his relationship with that woman," she said.

"But?"

"But, I'm not convinced that if he was giving her money it wasn't blackmail or, or—"

"Of course." He knew he was giving her a hard time, even though this was exactly the kind of insights he'd come here for. She closed her eyes, clearly frustrated and worn down. Cal took a breath and walked around to her at the computer. "Go on then," he said. "Show me."

She smiled appreciatively and then reopened the computer. She searched for a particular spot on the video and played it for him.

_Tell me something Lightman, you knew I was unfaithful to Gillian when we were together and you resented me for it but you never told her, why not?_

_She didn't need me to tell her something she already knew. Do you really think she's that stupid? That she didn't know full well every single lie you ever told her? Every time you said you'd be home late, or had to go away for a weekend, you think she didn't know exactly what you were up to?_

"There," Gillian paused the video and pointed to Alec's face. "See that?"

Cal narrowed his eyes and leaned in close to the screen. "Fear."

"Exactly." She pointed again. "He was calm as could be whenever you talked about this woman or the money, but the second you called him out on lying to me he showed fear. Not shame, not guilt, or sadness or anything typical of a cheating husband. Why?"

Cal wiped his palm across his mouth and leaned in to the monitor again. "It wasn't the cheating he was afraid of."

"You don't think he was unfaithful to me?"

"Oh no, he definitely was. Just maybe not every time. I wonder if he was afraid that you knew about something a bit more serious." When Cal looked up he wasn't staring at the monitor anymore. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from him. He slipped his arm around her back and on her shoulder.

"Sorry love. I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine," she said, but she leaned into him and pushed her hands through her hair.

"You're worried,' he said. "What about?'

"Stop reading me Cal."

"Then stop avoiding me." Still she said nothing. "Well you know what I'm worried about?" She looked up at him this time.

"What?" She asked.

"I'm worried that this whole damn mess is a mistake. That no matter what the outcome, you and I won't come out of this intact. That scares the hell out of me."

"You want to quit?" She asked surprised. She stepped away from him and went into the kitchen. He followed behind her and they stood at separate ends of the room. Gillian poured steaming water from a kettle into two mugs and dropped a teabag into each.

"Yeah I do," he said. "I want to walk away, I wanted to walk away last night and forget the whole thing, but I figured I should talk to you about it first. Now I get the feeling you want me to stick with it and I'm telling you absolutely, no I don't want to work this case."

She handed him one of the mugs which he took, though she knew he didn't drink tea, she was just looking for something to busy herself with.

"You have to stay on it Cal, if I don't know for sure if he's guilty of what they're accusing him of—'

"Yeah I get it. I just wish there was some way to keep you from hating me if I have to be the one to put your husband behind bars."

"Ex-husband," she corrected.

"That's what I keep saying. And yet here you are obsessing over him anyways."

"Just because we're not married anymore doesn't mean I won't try to help him if he needs me. I mean if it was you and Zoe was in trouble—"

"I'd help her yes, I would. But you know the one thing I would never do? I would not risk my relationship with you. Not for her, not for anyone, ever." Cal sat the mug on the island in the middle of the kitchen and leaned in toward her. "You know I trust you more than anyone on the planet. If I didn't have you with me I'd be lost." She nodded and her eyes touched his, she smiled just for the briefest moment and then it was gone. That was one Cal didn't see too often: if there was a micro expression for unconditional love that's what it would look like. He reached for her hand again. "I think you're asking a lot."

"Cal…whatever the outcome here, I need to know for sure what the truth is. It's not a risk because you're never going to lose me. Have I ever, in all the years we've known each other have I ever not been there for you? Can you think of a single time?"

"Not one," he said without a second's hesitation. "I just want you to understand that I'm not doing this to help him out. If he's innocent I'll figure it out and he'll walk. But if he's guilty—"

"Then he deserves what he gets," she said.

He squeezed her hand. "As long as we understand each other."

"We do," she promised. They stared at one another a good two feet of empty space between them, but Cal held onto her hand almost afraid to let go. She shook her head. "I'd be lost without you too, you know?"

He nodded. He did know, but it was good to hear her say it. He pulled her close to him and pressed his lips to her hair. "They're bringing him back at ten in the morning so I can have another go at him. I'd like you there; you can watch from my office, yeah?"

She nodded and he leaned in to kiss her goodnight. As his lips touched the corner of her mouth he lingered. He closed his eyes and let the feel and the smell of her overtake him. He felt her fingers clinch against his shirt and as if they were operating on their own without his consent his hands came up and his fingers brushed the side of her cheek, tilting her head just enough so that his lips fell on hers. She parted them for him and his breath caught in his chest. She tasted so pure he felt so dirty. So, unworthy of her. But his own self-loathing didn't hamper him long. He felt her arms move up until they were wrapped around his neck and when pushed his fingers go into her hair, he understood that he was crossing their line. The line she drew for them years ago when a moment of weakness between them after his marriage ended lead to a passionate kiss followed by a devastating fight. He understood then that she would never be unfaithful to her husband ever again and anything he felt for her was to be bottled up and forgotten. But she wasn't married anymore.

the end?


End file.
